Stop Trying to Cook a Burrito in Your Crockpot

If there is any area where men miss it in life, it’s in their relationships with their wives. First off, most of the men I meet today are just hooking up with gals and not even marrying them, but that’s a whole different blog for another day.

The men I meet who are married mostly complain about the lack of sex in their lives. Their wives are either not into it, are too tired or just so mad at them they really don’t want to get naked with their husband. And what makes matters worse, is these men are usually their own worst enemies and don’t even realize it.

There are several reasons for this but the main one is probably communicating with their bride. Not talking at them, but to them. Actually taking the time to turn the tv off and listen to what they are saying, without just trying to fix things.

One thing that I’ve learned in almost 30 years of marriage is that communication comes long before the act of sex. I heard it said once that sex starts in the kitchen. Meaning, it’s doing things around the house and talking with your bride which is going to help get her “in the mood”.

Men are hardwired for sex, the wind blows and we’re ready to go, women on the other hand can take a little while to get there. It’s like the difference between a crock pot and a microwave. Both will cook your food, just one does it really quick while the other takes some time. Men are microwaves and women are crockpots.

It’d be like trying to heat up a frozen burrito in your crockpot when you’re starving. You can throw it in there for a few minutes, but it’s going to be icy cold in the middle when you eat it. And who wants an icy cold middle in your burrito?

Men it’s going to take a little while to get her to the place you can get in 30 seconds, so be patient and do the little things around the house which mean something to her. And then take some time to have a conversation with her, listening to what she says without trying to fix it.

Doing these two little things can enhance your sex life like nothing else, only one last word of advice, be sincere and don’t do these things just so you can have sex. She will see right through you and you will not be having sex for a long time.

Remember fellas, we’re in this for the long haul, get to know your wife; what makes her tick and what ticks her off. Learn to do the things that make her tick and not do the things that tick her off and your sex life will get better and better.

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The Little Foxes

In the book of Songs 2:15 NLT Solomon says, “Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!” I find it very interesting this is in the book about love and marriage. One thing I’ve learned in almost 30 years of marriage, is it’s not the big things that try to make a shambles of my relationship with my bride, it’s the stupid little things. Just like water dripping on a rock constantly doesn’t appear to be doing anything, but over time it will wear away at the rock until it is destroyed. This one thing would change the course of marriages around the world.

Stop allowing the little things to mess up the relationship you have with your spouse. You know what I’m talking about too, those little irritants which eventually become big things which cause the death of marriages. The pet peeves, which to other people are nothing, but to you cause aggravation. I’ll give you an example from my own life. For some reason my bride never puts her seatbelt on until we’re driving down the road. I mean, how hard is it to buckle up before putting the car into gear? But even though it bugs me that she does this, I’ve learned to just put it out of my mind, looking at it as one of those little idiosyncrasies which make me love her all the more. It’s a matter of perspective, much like everything else in life.

Now looking at this Scripture and using the law of opposites we can see if little things can destroy your marriage, then it’s possible that doing little things can also make your marriage better. For instance, I don’t wait for my bride to say something about taking out the trash, I make sure it is done before she has too. I look for little things I can do to help to make her life a little bit better. I’m amazed at how many men gripe and complain about their wives. Getting all indignant when they’ve been asked to empty the dishwasher or do a load of wash. Really? Is it more important to make this a big thing when in actuality it is just a tiny thing which can help you in the long run? After all we all know if momma ain’t happy, then nobody is happy. Right?

Let me write this where the fellas can understand it just a little bit better. If you want to have sex with your wife, then doing little things to make your marriage better will help with this. What woman  wants to have sex with a guy who gripes about having to do things around the house? Doing things for your bride pays dividends unlike anything else out there in the world. And ladies sex motivates guys, it’s the truth regardless of what you think. Maybe you could use this to your advantage, and I don’t mean as a tool to get what you want, but if your husband is making an effort, then do a little something’ somethin’ for him, you’ll be amazed.

Let’s start doing little things to make our marriages better, and stop doing the things which hinder it. After all, most of those little things are really stupid and we shouldn’t give them any attention any way, right?

Living out God’s Word in everyday life!

 

You Made a Promise, Now Keep It!

The conversation started like this, “Dave, I’ve met a girl.”

“What do you mean you met a girl?” Wondering as I said it, because he was already married.

“It’s a girl I knew from high school.”

Mentally scratching my head I thought, “Well, this can’t be good.”

This conversation happened many years ago, (no names to protect the innocent) and as he continued telling me about this girl he knew from high school who had turned up in his life again, I was shocked. This was WAY before Facebook too, so reconnecting with old flames isn’t a new thing.

At the time of our talk he had finished college, had a good paying job and was married.  He told me she had contacted him out of the blue; just to catch up you know, totally innocent.  But as the phone calls increased, they decided to hook up.  He made up a story about a hunting weekend, packed all his gear and ended up at the old girlfriend’s house for two and a half days.

“Man, it was the best sex I’ve ever had Dave.  I think I’m in love.”  He told me all of this in confidence, and it was knowledge I wished I’d never been given.  The more I thought about this in the days which followed, the more it ate at me.  I couldn’t help but think about his wife; who thought their marriage was great, never realizing all the numerous hunting and fishing trips he was taking as often as possible were really romantic liaisons with another woman.

We talked again a few weeks later, and you would’ve thought he was back in high school the way he talked about this new girl in his life.  He explained how they had dated in school, but a miscommunication their senior year caused them to break up.  He said, “I would’ve married her back then if it wasn’t for this.  I’ve gotta leave my wife and marry her, she’s my true love.”

I couldn’t take it any longer and said, “What about your marriage vows, you know, to have and to hold in sickness and in health until death parts you?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t know she still loved me.  I would’ve never gotten married if I’d known.  My high school sweetheart is the one I should’ve been with all along.”

“Man, cheating is wrong!  You made a commitment to your wife, and you should honor it.  You need to cut it off with this other girl now.”

There was more to this conversation; which involved a lot of yelling, cussing and him trying to make the case for why cheating on his wife was okay, me countering it with why is wasn’t, but when it was all said and done, what we had left was a broken friendship.  He went his way, and I went mine.  I heard a few months later he had left his wife and moved in with the old girlfriend.  I’ve got no idea where he is today.  His ex-wife remarried and is living happily ever after now with a great family.

I am an opinionated, self-righteous loud mouth at times.  I think if you have read my blogs you’ve probably figured out I am not a man who minces words when it comes to things I’m passionate about.  I don’t apologize for this, it is who I am.

One of the things I’m very passionate about is marriage.  Having been married for almost twenty-eight years to the same woman, I can tell you it is by far one of the best things I’ve ever done with my life.  Being married is also one of the hardest things I’ve ever done; it takes a lot of work to make it great.

Cheating on your wife is wrong no matter what spin you put on it.  When you married her, you committed to stay with her forsaking all others; ALL.  This is pretty cut and dry, it means you will stay with her for the rest of your life.  Now some guys look at this as imprisonment, but then they don’t understand what marriage really is all about.

Marriage is about giving yourself completely to one person; and I’m not just talking about sexually, although this is one element of it.  When you give yourself completely to another person, you look out for their interests before your own.  You make sure their needs are met before meeting your own.

Many times you will hear people say, “Marriage is 50/50.  This is not true; to make your marriage work you have to give 100 percent.  This is why so many men fail in their marriages.  Now understand; I am speaking in general terms here, if this doesn’t apply to your marriage, then great, but more often than not the problem in marriages revolve around the husband.  After all, he is the head of the family, and the leader.  If he’s not leading well, then the marriage won’t be doing well.

I’m not really sure why I get so worked up about infidelity, but I know I hate it!  I hate what it does to the relationship between husband and wife.  And if there are kids in the mix, well it causes the problems to grow exponentially.

If your marriage isn’t what you want it to be guys, then make the necessary corrections in what you’re doing so it will be.  It’s not rocket science, give one hundred percent, taking care of the needs of your bride and she will reciprocate, I promise you.

 

 

 

 

 

Wham, Bam, Thank You Mam

Today I’d like to talk about something men hate, but let me forewarn you ladies, you may not like what I have to say at first, but I think if you will read this through to the end, you might end up agreeing with me.

Wives, when you tell your husband during sex, “Just hurry up and finish.” You might as well be saying, “You’re not worth my time.”  Now before you get mad at me, hear me out.  Sex is supposed to be the most intimate time a married couple can experience together.  It’s not just about the sexual act; it’s about connecting with one another on a level you share with no one else.

I know a lot of men who think sex is just about getting their rocks off, having a sandwich and then going to sleep.  But there is so much more and guys who only use women as their release valve really haven’t figured it out, regardless of what they think or say.

Having a positive sex life with your spouse takes time and effort on both of your parts.  If you tell your husband often to just hurry up and get off of you, I have a couple of questions to ask.  Is it because it’s painful?  Is he too rough?  Does he only pay attention to you when you’re having sex?  Are there things in your past you’ve been holding on to and possibly transferring to him when it comes time for sex?  Do you climax during sex, or is all about him?

I understand I’m speaking in very general terms here when I say this, but many women could go the rest of their lives without ever having sex again and it would be perfectly fine with them.  Women usually aren’t as interested in sex as men are; therefore it’s up to us men to start working on things before ever making it to the bedroom.

I heard a man say one time, “Sex begins in the kitchen.”  He wasn’t saying to have sex in the kitchen, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but what he meant was, before ever getting her to take her clothes off, sex begins by doing little things around the house without her telling you to do them; like emptying the dishwasher, taking out the trash or maybe giving her a break while you get dinner ready for the family.

I heard another speaker tell his audience, “When it comes to sex; women are like crock pots and men are like microwave ovens.”  Yeah, I know there seems to be a kitchen theme here, but stay with me.  A crock pot cooks your meal, but it may take all day to get it ready, where a microwave can cook your food in under a minute.The point he was making is it takes women longer to get ready for sex than it does men.

Guys start putting money in the bank so to speak by loving your bride in nonsexual ways.  Do little things around the house, rub her feet or back with no strings attached or bring her little gifts for no reason.  Loving her well before the actual sex act takes place will bring so much more passion to your lovemaking and will make it much more amazing for both of you.  And if you love her well before climbing into bed with her, she probably won’t be saying to you, “Hurry up and get off of me!” when you are having sex.

Now you know what I think, tell me what you think.

Sex

Sex.  This one little word has more power than just about any other.  It has set kingdoms on fire, toppled powerful men and has captured the minds of every boy once entering puberty.  It’s been described as dirty, only to be used for procreating and makes people feel uncomfortable when it is discussed in a group setting.

Before I was married, my knowledge of this subject came mostly from the movies I watched.  Oh, there was that one time when my mom handed me a pamphlet about it.  Can anyone say awkward?  Most of the movies I watched drove home this thought; women are as horny as men, and they want to have sex just as badly as men do.

My actual experience has taught me differently.  Obviously I’m speaking in general terms here, I’m sure there are a few women out there who like sex as much as men, but for the sake of this blog we will assume most women are not this way.

My knowledge about sex when I got married was you slide tab A into slot B as many times as possible until you got a release.  No one ever told me slot B should be experiencing a release as well.  A friend gave me some advice which helped me as a young married man, and continues to this day, he told me, “David, make sure momma gets her cookies before you do.”  What this means is don’t just hop on, finish and then hop off.  If you are not bringing your wife to orgasm every time, then perhaps you need to rethink your strategy here.  Sex should be pleasurable for both of you.

What I’m not going to do is tell you what you should do; sex will be different for every couple.  What works for me and my bride may not work for you and yours.  The main thing here is you should be looking for ways to satisfy her before satisfying yourself.

You should never compare your sex life with other couples, and you really shouldn’t talk about your sex life (in detail) with other guys.  One thing I’ve learned from listening to men talk is they will lie about their sex life.  They will lie about the frequency, what she does and where they do it, usually anything to make themselves look better.

Sex with your wife is a special thing; one which should be only between the two of you.  If you talk about her in front of others, it disrespects her.  And if she happens to be there when you are talking about your sex life with others, it can embarrass her.  The only time you should talk about your sex life is when she has given you permission and you are trying to help another couple.  And then keep it simple; again don’t really go into detail.

A lot of guys who have talked to me tell me their sex life is nonexistent; maybe anniversaries, birthdays, or some other special occasion, which is sad.  I once heard a guy say he bought a years supply of condoms and it was a 12 pack; I thought to myself, “Wow poor guy”.

Maybe your sex life is like this, with a lack of frequency. My first question would be how are you treating your bride.  Are you helping out around the house, or with the kids, or do you roll over at night, nudge her and say, “Hey, wanna do it?”  Don’t be a gorilla, be tender with her and help out around the house.  Take out the trash without being told to, talk nice to her and give her a hug or foot rub without any strings attached.

After she’s had a hard day; send her out to get coffee with some friends while you stay home and take care of the kids for the evening.  When you do these kinds of things, she will notice and it will pay you huge dividends later.

One last thought here, if you have not been doing things like this to love her before having sex with her, don’t expect the first time you do it for her to strip off her clothes and attack you.  It may take time and effort on your part.  Don’t quit just because you don’t see results right away.  She may be watching to see if this is just another ploy for you to get into her pants.

If this is your only motivation for making changes, you will never see a great sex life in your future.  Believe me, a great sex life in marriage is possible, but it does take consistent effort and work from you.  Do this however, and it won’t be long before you’ll be sliding your tab into her slot.

Now you know what I think, what do you think?