The Peasant Queen

She was born to be royal, but you’d never know it by he way he spoke to her. Jane dreamed her whole life about the day her prince would arrive and sweep her off her feet. On the day she met Aaron, her heart leapt for joy when he talked about the things he wanted to do in his life, because they mirrored the dreams she wanted to pursue as well.

Their courtship wasn’t a long one and within a few months his romantic proposal in the countryside caused her to fall even more in love with the man of her dreams. Soon the two were joined by their family and friends in a celebration of their love and as her father walked her down the aisle towards her waiting knight she couldn’t help but think about how perfect her life was.

A few months later as she was dusting one of the wedding pictures on her mantle, she noticed the smile on Aaron’s face in one of them and it made her wonder what why he rarely smiled now. “It must be some I’m doing, because he looks so happy there,” she thought.  Holding back a tear, she dabbed at her eyes to keep the moisture from falling down her cheeks and continued cleaning.

One night at a party with friends, she watched as he laughed and joked with his buddies. It seemed as if the man she married had returned, but on the drive home afterwards when she mentioned how much fun the party had been, he was sullen and had very little to say in response. Later, as she was removing her makeup and getting ready for bed, he asked why it was taking her so long? “Hurry up Jane! I’ve got to get up early tomorrow, so I ain’t got all night to wait for sex you know!”

This became her life; work all day at her job, come home and make dinner, cleaning up the mess and taking care of his laundry, while he sat in his chair like a king on his throne watching television. As the months passed, the words he spoke to her, when he actually did speak were always harsh and filled with comments about how she had changed, didn’t do things around the house very well and wasn’t the same girl he’d married.

After many years of unhappiness; which involved Aaron ruling the roost with an iron fist and speaking mostly hateful things to Jane, she finally made the decision, packed up her belongings and left him. Dazed and confused as she drove towards her parent’s house she came to the conclusion Aaron must have been right all those years when he said she was just lazy and just didn’t know how to manage a house very well. And instead of living as his queen in a happily ever after story, she left him feeling like the peasant he saw her as.

This story, while a work of fiction, is one which happens around the world on a daily basis. Men speaking harsh words, never thinking about what they are doing to their brides. If men want their brides to act like queens, they need to stop talking to them as if they’re peasants. What I mean by this, is your wife responds to the words you say to her. There are so many marriages that endure abuse; it may not be physical, but is emotional and is just as bad. 

Men who treat their wives this way are really shooting themselves in the foot. The man who belittles his wife or puts her down in an attempt to motivate her to do things the way he wants her to do them is not loving her well at all. Women respond to the words we say guys; both good and bad. Speaking kind words always go further than when you speak harshly.

Many years ago when  I was first married, I didn’t like some of the ways things were going in my fledgling relationship with Cheryl. I decided my bride needed to make some changes, so I set out to change her. I started looking in the Bible for things a Godly woman was supposed to be and wrote them down in a little notebook which I then carried in my shirt pocket and read out loud to myself several times a day. Things like, Proverbs 31:10 which says, Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Then I would personalize it by saying, Cheryl is a virtuous and capable wife, she is more precious than rubies to me.

I found about fifteen to twenty Scriptures I felt would make Cheryl a better wife to me, you know things I was expecting God to change about her in order to make my marriage better. I’m not saying my motivation was right, so don’t vilify me as a horrible husband just yet. For about the next thirty to forty five days I faithfully confessed these things multiple times a day expecting a change to take place in Cheryl. And do you know, she never changed once? But, the change which took place was inside of me.

I began to see her differently than when I had started my journey of confessions to make her a better wife. What changed in me, was I actually began to see her like God did, and once this happened, our marriage got better. I didn’t  need to see a change in Cheryl, I needed to change the way I was seeing Cheryl. And when I did so, I saw her as the queen she actually is and began responding to her through my words differently.

It has taken years for her to understand I speak the truth when I tell her how beautiful she is, how great a person she is and what a fantastic mother she has been to our kids. But I now really see her the way God does and that changes everything about how I act around her and how I treat her. I’m so thankful I made all those confessions about her so many years ago, because it has made being married to her much better. She really is all those things the Bible says she is.

Fellas I will tell you this, if you’re speaking to your bride like some peasant girl, even jokingly, stop it now and address her like the queen she actually is. Speak what God’s Word says about her, and I promise you will see a huge difference in your relationship with her and you will be amazed as you watch the transformation take place in her right before your eyes.

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Husbands, Are You Helping Your Bride To Soar?

It was a rainy Sunday morning outside, but the Son was shining brightly during the worship portion of our weekly church service.  Watching my son and his wife lead us in song, I thought back to when Holly was more timid and shy as she sang.  I remembered she said Micah was very encouraging and helpful to her in the pursuit of everything she did and how it had helped her grow in every area she pursued.  As I pondered this, a thought  came to me I’d like to share with you.

It is the husband’s responsibility to afford his wife the opportunities to develop her life and become the fullest representation of a woman in Christ she can be.  The man who refuses to do this for his bride is a selfish man who lacks the knowledge of what it means to be a true and authentic man of God.

~ David W Felts

After jotting this thought in my phone; I began thinking about my wife and what I’ve done over the years to encourage her in pursuing those things which make her heart come alive.  Have I done enough, or does she possibly feel stifled in who she is as a woman because of me? Have I been encouraging as a husband, or a needy little boy with his own agenda?

I believe men are supposed to be three things; a lover, leader and provider. I look to these three areas of my life often to see if I’m being the man my bride needs me to be. It’s not always easy; there are times I just want to run off and do what I want to do instead of the things I need to do in order to be the man I’m supposed to be. But I come back to what my responsibilities are and do what’s right.  I guess this is what separates the men from the boys.

Don’t get me wrong, I think men need to spend time their friends too; all work and no play makes Jack a very dull boy after all. As men however, we should be putting the needs of our brides and family before anything else, including our own needs. I know this is not a popular thought in the world today, and the men who live to put the needs of their families before their own are often ostracized by the men who don’t do this.

My life is more fulfilled when I’m helping my bride become who she is supposed to be and spending less time on just what I want to do. I guess the old saying it is better to give than receive really rings true in this instance. If you’re one of those guys who says, “Sure I love you.  I married you didn’t I?” but insists on his own way first, perhaps you should take a closer look at your bride and see if she is a better person after having been with you than she was before she met you. If not Bubba it’s time for you to make a change.

Now you know what I think, what do you think?

It’s the Little Things

Fire raced across the living room floor where only moments before, John had led his children and wife to the front door and safety.  The fire was quickly moving through the house, turning to ash everything it touched in its journey.  It was 2am and even though it was cold outside, the heat from the house fire was keeping him warm as he watched the smoke curl upwards towards the night sky.  John was thankful he’d been able to get his family out in time.

Fire can destroy a home in a matter of minutes, taking away the place you live.  And while this type of disaster is horrible, there is one even more insidious which brings about the same results; although it usually takes years to accomplish.  

The little critters known as termites eat away at the wood in your home, and while these tiny little insects may seem insignificant to you because of their size, if left unchecked they will bring your house down around you.

The big things which happen in your life are noticeable because they’re right there in your face, but it’s the little things which can actually do more damage.  This is because it happens over a period of time and you don’t notice the changes as they’re happening.  It may take years before you actually see what they have done.

One thing you can do to prevent this type of devastation is to take preventative measures.  If you’ll step up and do things to check on the status of your house periodically, you can, like Barney Fife said in “The Andy Griffith Show” nip it in the bud.

Just like these little things can destroy your home, the same can be said for your marriage.  Many married men find out too late that their wife no longer has any interest in them and possibly has even taken the kids and left.  They scratch their heads and wonder where it all went wrong.

It’s because they didn’t take any preventative measures to assure their relationship was doing well.  Over time they allowed little things to come in and eat away at their relationship.  Not big things mind you, but little things here and there like ignoring the trash, leaving their underwear on the floor, only talking to her about paying the bills or ignoring her feelings about various things.  The list goes on and on.

If we’re not careful men, married life can end up like a business.  And neither one of you got married so you could be in a business venture.  Just as the little things can erode your relationship, doing little things for each other can strengthen it too.  Remembering her birthday or your anniversary without her having to remind you, bringing home her favorite candy or flowers for no apparent reason or making sure the trash is taken care of, all of these things can go a long way to making her feel loved.

After all isn’t this what we all want in our marriages, to be loved?  If you’ll focus on her needs, taking the appropriate measures to do the little things which tell her you love her every day, it’ll be just like taking preventative measures to make sure you don’t have any of those pesky little insects devouring your home from the inside.

Now you know what I think, tell me what you think.