Chivalry and a Woke Culture

Posted on by davidwfelts

Chivalry is a code of conduct which enables men to navigate through the society in which they live. I have always thought of it as the guidelines which give me the ability to know how I should act in any given situation. Chivalry is a choice to do the right things, at the right time, for the right reasons. But does the society we find ourselves living in now even want chivalrous men? The code I like the best I found in the movie Dragonheart. It says,

A knight is sworn to valor. His heart knows only virtue. His blade defends the helpless. His might upholds the weak. His word speaks only truth. And his wrath undoes the wicked.

For many decades now there has been an all out assault on men. Culture, the media, even hell itself has been working tirelessly in an effort to put men into this box labeling them as idiots, children or predators. And while this has been going on, most men seem to have been asleep, or possibly worse than asleep, they’ve believed the lies; accepting as fact that these were the only options available to them, going ahead and becoming the very things society has accused them of being. I’m not saying men are just victims and should be given some leniency for the stupid things they have done. I believe every man should be held accountable for his actions; this is one of the core values of chivalry.

On the other hand I do think we’ve got to get to a place where as a society we stop laying blame and staying so focused on the past. The culture we’re in right now seems to place more emphasis and energy trying to erase the past, rather than using it as a tool for learning what not to do again. As George Santayana is quoted as saying, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” It seems we can’t forge ahead into a newer and better future because society is too focused on past failures and working to change and rewrite history. And if we lose our history, then we are condemned to a cycle of repetition.

When I see statues or paintings of historic figures, they cause me to want to read and find out what the person did. Just this week I saw this picture of a young lady defacing a statue of Matthias Baldwin. (The picture was taken back in 2020) Now I must admit I didn’t know who he was and figured from all the BLM rhetoric, he must have been a slave owner or something. So I did a quick Google search, and you know what I found out? Well here, let me show you:

Baldwin was a devout member of the Presbyterian Church and a consistent donor to religious and secular charitable causes throughout his life. In 1824 he was a founder of the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. He was elected to the American Philosophical Society in 1833.

In 1835, he donated money to establish a school for African-American children in Philadelphia and continued to pay the teachers’ salaries out of his own pocket for years thereafter. Baldwin was an outspoken supporter for the abolition of slavery in the United States, a position that was used against him and his firm by competitors eager to sell locomotives to railroads based in the slaveholding South.

Baldwin was a member of the 1837 Pennsylvania Constitutional Convention and emerged as a defender of voting rights for the state’s black male citizens.

Why on earth then would this lady vandalize his statue? I mean it appears he was all about black lives mattering, long before BLM was a thing. Probably because she doesn’t have a clue, and our woke society believes in removing anything they deem negative in this world as a way of showing they no longer celebrate it. When this happens, they remove any hope of people actually finding out what these historical figures did; both good and bad.

When a society doesn’t trust its people to come to the correct conclusions for themselves, just wanting everyone to take the loudest voice’s word for it, isn’t this kind of squelching free thought; which by the way is protected in the United States Constitution. It’s interesting to me that for a group of people who say they are tired of hearing what we “boomers” have to say, telling us in effect to just shut up, they are ironically doing the very thing they’ve been accusing us of doing all along; telling everyone to believe their narrative just because they say it’s the right one.

It’s time for those of us who strive to be chivalrous men, to stand up to the intolerance and begin once more to adhere to the code of conduct laid down for us so many years ago. It’s time we start to treat women, all women with respect; opening doors for them, showing our children that their mother is the most important woman in our lives, getting off of our butts and going to a job to provide for our families, speaking the truth always, and defending the weak and helpless. Being men of our word, owning what we say and do for what is best for society not just ourselves. Only when we as men step up and live by this code of conduct will the world change and become a better place.

For the Kingdom and the King, shalom.

Come On Guys!

Posted on by davidwfelts

On my 30th anniversary vacation with my bride, I had the opportunity to notice something which has bothered me for many years. While riding buses to and from Disney, many men stayed seated forcing ladies to hold onto the handrails while the public transportation delivered us to our destinations.

On the worst trip home to our hotel one night, the bus was packed and I thought I heard cows mooing in the back, a lady said to her daughters who were standing next to her, “I guess there’s no gentlemen on this bus.” This got me to thinking, is chivalry dead? Are men just selfish and don’t care anymore? Or more likely, are boys no longer being taught what it means to be a man who acts like the knights of old?

One thing my dad did teach me was how to treat a lady. And it has always bothered me when I see men seated while women are standing. It’s not because they’re weaker or anything, truth be told, women are way stronger than men will ever be. You try pushing a person out of your body and then let’s talk. No, the reason to offer your seat, is it is the right thing to do.

Knights lived by a code which governed their every action. Most men today live by the code of “I’m gonna get mine and to heck with everyone else!” This is why you see these boy-men remain seated while women stand.

There’s a knightly code in the movie Dragonheart that I love, and it would be a good one for all men to aim to live by. It goes like this:

“A Knight is sworn to valour, His heart knows only virtue, His blade defends the helpless, His might upholds the weak, His word speaks only truth, His wrath undoes the wicked.”

Maybe some of these words don’t mean anything to you. Words like valour, virtue, truth, but they should. Every man should live his life with valour, virtue and truth. Without these things we are men to be most pitied. Dads, teach your sons well, lead them on the quest of becoming true, chivalrous men in this age of darkness. Do this and they will become shining beacons of hope for the next generation. There’s a great book called Raising Modern Day Knights, pick up a copy and train your sons.

And the next time you have an opportunity to offer your seat, hold open a door or do any other chivalrous act for a lady, do it and you will feel something triumphant rise up inside of you. And you will make this world just a little bit better in the process.

Stop Trying to Cook a Burrito in Your Crockpot

Posted on by davidwfelts

If there is any area where men miss it in life, it’s in their relationships with their wives. First off, most of the men I meet today are just hooking up with gals and not even marrying them, but that’s a whole different blog for another day.

The men I meet who are married mostly complain about the lack of sex in their lives. Their wives are either not into it, are too tired or just so mad at them they really don’t want to get naked with their husband. And what makes matters worse, is these men are usually their own worst enemies and don’t even realize it.

There are several reasons for this but the main one is probably communicating with their bride. Not talking at them, but to them. Actually taking the time to turn the tv off and listen to what they are saying, without just trying to fix things.

One thing that I’ve learned in almost 30 years of marriage is that communication comes long before the act of sex. I heard it said once that sex starts in the kitchen. Meaning, it’s doing things around the house and talking with your bride which is going to help get her “in the mood”.

Men are hardwired for sex, the wind blows and we’re ready to go, women on the other hand can take a little while to get there. It’s like the difference between a crock pot and a microwave. Both will cook your food, just one does it really quick while the other takes some time. Men are microwaves and women are crockpots.

It’d be like trying to heat up a frozen burrito in your crockpot when you’re starving. You can throw it in there for a few minutes, but it’s going to be icy cold in the middle when you eat it. And who wants an icy cold middle in your burrito?

Men it’s going to take a little while to get her to the place you can get in 30 seconds, so be patient and do the little things around the house which mean something to her. And then take some time to have a conversation with her, listening to what she says without trying to fix it.

Doing these two little things can enhance your sex life like nothing else, only one last word of advice, be sincere and don’t do these things just so you can have sex. She will see right through you and you will not be having sex for a long time.

Remember fellas, we’re in this for the long haul, get to know your wife; what makes her tick and what ticks her off. Learn to do the things that make her tick and not do the things that tick her off and your sex life will get better and better.

Here’s What I Think

Posted on by davidwfelts

There comes a time in every man’s life where he has to say what is on his mind, and today is that day. I’ve been known as an opinionated man for most of my life, always sharing my thoughts with anyone willing to listen; sometimes to my chagrin. After fifty-four trips around the sun, I have learned to choose when to speak my mind and when to hold back those thoughts. Today I will not hold back my thoughts about marriage and the role men have in this gift given to us by God. This is what drives me to my keyboard; to talk about what men are doing to destroy their marriages.

Selfishness is the chief cause of marriage failure today. When one or both partners are doing only what is best for them and not for their spouse, calamity will not be very far behind. It aggravates, no, let me say it pisses me off when a marriage fails because the husband was unwilling to do whatever it took to make his bride the center of his world. As the father of a daughter who faced divorce last year, it has only strengthened these thoughts in my heart of hearts. And before you say it’s not always the man who leaves, I’ll agree with you and say women leave too, but why would she want to leave if her man was doing everything he could to make the marriage work?

I really believe a man should be loving his wife like Christ loved the church, this is what it takes to make his marriage last. But what does it mean to love your wife as Christ loved the church? To answer this let’s look at the whole passage of Scripture. It’s found in Ephesian 5:25 and says,

“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her.”

He gave up His life for her. And this sir, is what you should be doing for your bride; giving up your life for her. In doing this, your marriage will become stronger. In my life, I find myself doing things I don’t necessarily want to do, but I know by doing them it makes my bride’s life better and this brings me great joy. This doesn’t mean a man should never have time for himself, because husbands and wives should spend time alone and with friends, this helps make your marriage healthy too. But your first thought should always be about your wife and her well-being over your own.

When my daughter told me her husband of two years had packed his bags, took his game system and left town, I was devastated for her. This was the man who had taken me out for coffee to ask for her hand in marriage, the one who told me all the things he was planning for their life together and what he wanted to do to make her happy. Now she was telling me the one who had promised to take over from me and care for my little girl had just up and left? I guess the old saying, ” You can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?” really is true.

Come on men, wake up! Take the reigns of your life, take some responsibility for your marriage and do whatever it takes to love your bride like Christ loved His before it is too late. We have no one to blame but ourselves if we let our marriages fail.

What Does It Mean To Be A Man? Part 1

Posted on by davidwfelts

“Be a man!” “You’re the man!” “Fight like a man!” What does it really mean to be a man? I’ve heard it said, and said it myself before, you may be male by birth, but you’re a man by choice. For too many years there has been this unspoken thing about what it means to become a man that the world has foisted upon us. When you have your first alcoholic drink, you’ll be a man, once you start shaving, you’ll be a man, when you bed your first woman, you’ll be a man. But honestly nothing could be further from the truth.

Being a man is a choice you make each and every day of your life, sometimes hour by hour. But before you can make that choice, you have to know what it really means to be a man, and what the job description entails. This is something which has been lost and not passed on to boys from their fathers in many, many years. For whatever reason, fathers have failed to teach their sons how to be men, and when movies and television came along, boys were shown what the world said it mean to be men so naturally because of the vacuum left by their fathers, they began to follow this instead.

Men were created first by God, and Adam, the first man was placed in the Garden of Eden and given a job; to cultivate it and name all the animals. It was while he was in the process of naming the animals he noticed every one of them had a counterpart, but for him there wasn’t one to be found. God put him to sleep, took a rib and made Adam a helper in the form of the woman Eve. When he woke up, he had a wife and a new job; to be a lover, leader and provider. He was to love his bride, lead her and provide for her. And this is what it really means to be a man. If you are going to be a real man, then you’re going to have to work these three things into your life as well. To not do them, is to not be a real man, plain and simple.

One of the most exasperating things I see, are guys who treat this role in their lives with disdain and selfishness. They live by the mantra of I’m going to get mine and the heck with the rest of you! Selfishness is the enemy of manhood. In the next few blogs I’m going to talk to you about what it really means to be a man, and I hope if you see yourself lacking in any way that you will make the corrections necessary.

It’s time men stood up and took their God given roles back, be the men the world needs and stop being like Peter Pan, the boy who never grew up but lived only for himself.

 

 

The Little Foxes

Posted on by davidwfelts

In the book of Songs 2:15 NLT Solomon says, “Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!” I find it very interesting this is in the book about love and marriage. One thing I’ve learned in almost 30 years of marriage, is it’s not the big things that try to make a shambles of my relationship with my bride, it’s the stupid little things. Just like water dripping on a rock constantly doesn’t appear to be doing anything, but over time it will wear away at the rock until it is destroyed. This one thing would change the course of marriages around the world.

Stop allowing the little things to mess up the relationship you have with your spouse. You know what I’m talking about too, those little irritants which eventually become big things which cause the death of marriages. The pet peeves, which to other people are nothing, but to you cause aggravation. I’ll give you an example from my own life. For some reason my bride never puts her seatbelt on until we’re driving down the road. I mean, how hard is it to buckle up before putting the car into gear? But even though it bugs me that she does this, I’ve learned to just put it out of my mind, looking at it as one of those little idiosyncrasies which make me love her all the more. It’s a matter of perspective, much like everything else in life.

Now looking at this Scripture and using the law of opposites we can see if little things can destroy your marriage, then it’s possible that doing little things can also make your marriage better. For instance, I don’t wait for my bride to say something about taking out the trash, I make sure it is done before she has too. I look for little things I can do to help to make her life a little bit better. I’m amazed at how many men gripe and complain about their wives. Getting all indignant when they’ve been asked to empty the dishwasher or do a load of wash. Really? Is it more important to make this a big thing when in actuality it is just a tiny thing which can help you in the long run? After all we all know if momma ain’t happy, then nobody is happy. Right?

Let me write this where the fellas can understand it just a little bit better. If you want to have sex with your wife, then doing little things to make your marriage better will help with this. What woman  wants to have sex with a guy who gripes about having to do things around the house? Doing things for your bride pays dividends unlike anything else out there in the world. And ladies sex motivates guys, it’s the truth regardless of what you think. Maybe you could use this to your advantage, and I don’t mean as a tool to get what you want, but if your husband is making an effort, then do a little something’ somethin’ for him, you’ll be amazed.

Let’s start doing little things to make our marriages better, and stop doing the things which hinder it. After all, most of those little things are really stupid and we shouldn’t give them any attention any way, right?

Living out God’s Word in everyday life!

 

The Uncharted Waters Of My Wife’s Soul Terrifies Me

Posted on by davidwfelts

It was our monthly John Wayne movie night, and as I sat watching “The Cowboys” with some of the guys from my church, my phone rang.  Answering it, I heard my wife sobbing as she asked me to hurry home because our little dog Midge had been carried away by an owl.

Being the man in charge, I asked one of my friends to finish the evening for me and to lock the church when the movie ended.  My kids were babysitting the kids of some of the men watching the movie, and I went to tell them what had happened before leaving to go be with their mom.

This night came a few months after the death of our youngest son, and the loss of Midge was more than my bride could bear at the moment.  As I entered the living room, Cheryl was in tears, and quite beside herself.  I did my best to console her, not really knowing what to do, I hugged her, telling her it would be alright, but my words felt hollow and ineffective.  I felt I should’ve done more, but didn’t have a clue what it should’ve been.

Truthfully, I’ve felt this way on more than one occasion.  For all the years we’ve been married, I still don’t know how to respond to my wife when she is upset.  My initial inkling is to get in there, identify the problem and fix it.  But when I do this, it usually makes matters worse.

There is a term in sailing called “uncharted waters”; which just means an area which has not been recorded, or located on a map, or plan.  There is an area in women’s souls which this perfectly describes.  It’s this need for you to hear what she says, listening to her heart and supporting her without trying to fix anything.  And navigating these waters can be treacherous and scary, regardless of how many times we enter them.

I’ve had this discussion while leading small groups over the years, and all of the ladies I’ve talked to have told me the same thing; we don’t want our husbands to fix our problems, we just want them to be present and to listen.  Jason Headley made a great video which illustrates what I’m saying, check it out:

It’s Not About The Nail

Believe me; this one thing about women baffles me.  I mean I really have no clue about understanding this process they go through, nor why it means so much for me to just listen.  For me, I want to isolate the problem, and then fix it.  I am learning however, regardless of how I think the situation should be resolved, now I try to just keep my mouth shut and let Cheryl talk, really listening to what she is saying.

The bottom line here is if something is important to her, then it should be important to me.  Even if I don’t understand why it’s important, it’s her heart I’m trying to care for, and if this means listening to her talk about the nail and not trying to figure out how to fix it, then so be it.

Really guys, if we are going to love our brides the way they need us to, we have to go into these uncharted waters from time to time, even if it terrifies us.

Living an honest and transparent life…

 

 

 

 

 

The Peasant Queen

Posted on by davidwfelts

She was born to be royal, but you’d never know it by he way he spoke to her. Jane dreamed her whole life about the day her prince would arrive and sweep her off her feet. On the day she met Aaron, her heart leapt for joy when he talked about the things he wanted to do in his life, because they mirrored the dreams she wanted to pursue as well.

Their courtship wasn’t a long one and within a few months his romantic proposal in the countryside caused her to fall even more in love with the man of her dreams. Soon the two were joined by their family and friends in a celebration of their love and as her father walked her down the aisle towards her waiting knight she couldn’t help but think about how perfect her life was.

A few months later as she was dusting one of the wedding pictures on her mantle, she noticed the smile on Aaron’s face in one of them and it made her wonder what why he rarely smiled now. “It must be some I’m doing, because he looks so happy there,” she thought.  Holding back a tear, she dabbed at her eyes to keep the moisture from falling down her cheeks and continued cleaning.

One night at a party with friends, she watched as he laughed and joked with his buddies. It seemed as if the man she married had returned, but on the drive home afterwards when she mentioned how much fun the party had been, he was sullen and had very little to say in response. Later, as she was removing her makeup and getting ready for bed, he asked why it was taking her so long? “Hurry up Jane! I’ve got to get up early tomorrow, so I ain’t got all night to wait for sex you know!”

This became her life; work all day at her job, come home and make dinner, cleaning up the mess and taking care of his laundry, while he sat in his chair like a king on his throne watching television. As the months passed, the words he spoke to her, when he actually did speak were always harsh and filled with comments about how she had changed, didn’t do things around the house very well and wasn’t the same girl he’d married.

After many years of unhappiness; which involved Aaron ruling the roost with an iron fist and speaking mostly hateful things to Jane, she finally made the decision, packed up her belongings and left him. Dazed and confused as she drove towards her parent’s house she came to the conclusion Aaron must have been right all those years when he said she was just lazy and just didn’t know how to manage a house very well. And instead of living as his queen in a happily ever after story, she left him feeling like the peasant he saw her as.

This story, while a work of fiction, is one which happens around the world on a daily basis. Men speaking harsh words, never thinking about what they are doing to their brides. If men want their brides to act like queens, they need to stop talking to them as if they’re peasants. What I mean by this, is your wife responds to the words you say to her. There are so many marriages that endure abuse; it may not be physical, but is emotional and is just as bad. 

Men who treat their wives this way are really shooting themselves in the foot. The man who belittles his wife or puts her down in an attempt to motivate her to do things the way he wants her to do them is not loving her well at all. Women respond to the words we say guys; both good and bad. Speaking kind words always go further than when you speak harshly.

Many years ago when  I was first married, I didn’t like some of the ways things were going in my fledgling relationship with Cheryl. I decided my bride needed to make some changes, so I set out to change her. I started looking in the Bible for things a Godly woman was supposed to be and wrote them down in a little notebook which I then carried in my shirt pocket and read out loud to myself several times a day. Things like, Proverbs 31:10 which says, Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Then I would personalize it by saying, Cheryl is a virtuous and capable wife, she is more precious than rubies to me.

I found about fifteen to twenty Scriptures I felt would make Cheryl a better wife to me, you know things I was expecting God to change about her in order to make my marriage better. I’m not saying my motivation was right, so don’t vilify me as a horrible husband just yet. For about the next thirty to forty five days I faithfully confessed these things multiple times a day expecting a change to take place in Cheryl. And do you know, she never changed once? But, the change which took place was inside of me.

I began to see her differently than when I had started my journey of confessions to make her a better wife. What changed in me, was I actually began to see her like God did, and once this happened, our marriage got better. I didn’t  need to see a change in Cheryl, I needed to change the way I was seeing Cheryl. And when I did so, I saw her as the queen she actually is and began responding to her through my words differently.

It has taken years for her to understand I speak the truth when I tell her how beautiful she is, how great a person she is and what a fantastic mother she has been to our kids. But I now really see her the way God does and that changes everything about how I act around her and how I treat her. I’m so thankful I made all those confessions about her so many years ago, because it has made being married to her much better. She really is all those things the Bible says she is.

Fellas I will tell you this, if you’re speaking to your bride like some peasant girl, even jokingly, stop it now and address her like the queen she actually is. Speak what God’s Word says about her, and I promise you will see a huge difference in your relationship with her and you will be amazed as you watch the transformation take place in her right before your eyes.

I’ve Lost That Loving Feeling

Posted on by davidwfelts

“You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling, whoa, that lovin’ feeling, you’ve lost that lovin’ feeling, now it’s gone…gone…gone…wooooooh.”

I made a statement once which I think angered a lady. We were part of a group discussion about marriage and I said most days I have to choose to love my wife, it doesn’t just come naturally. She responded by saying how awful this was and she believed love isn’t a choice but a by product of what happens when you find your mate. Her naiveté was showing, but she had only been married a few years and was still in the throws of the love induced hormones working in her brain.

I’m not a doctor, nor have I ever played one on TV, but I did learn about this little area in the brain which produces a chemical giving you that “lovin’ feeling”. It’s what causes us to be attracted to our spouse at first. It’s almost as if there wasn’t this chemical imbalance in our brain which steers us towards our mate we’d never give them the time of day; and this is exactly what God intended.

While this chemical helps us overlook little things which might aggravate us at first, once it stops producing we can get annoyed by them and feel as if we don’t love this person anymore. It’s at this point in our relationship we need to have a solid commitment and are willing to stick to our vows. This is where the choice to love someone comes into play.

My bride and I have been married for over twenty-eight years and there have been plenty of opportunities for both of us to have said to heck with this and throw in the towel; but we haven’t, we’ve stuck it out, sometimes slugging it out to work through our issues. Of course I don’t mean physically; this is not okay under any circumstance. We’ve had to work to see things from each other’s perspective (something which takes time and effort) and we agree to disagree from time to time. What we’ve learned, is to give in on the little things and stick to our guns on the bigger issues, but always from an aspect of I’m in this for the long haul, so we’re going to make it work.

When we first met and began talking about marriage, divorce was never an option for either of us. We made this commitment to each other before we ever said our vows. We both decided that whenever we disagreed about something, we would never speak of divorce. When we fight and yes in twenty-eight years together we’ve had plenty of opportunities for this, it has been easy to work through things knowing the other person isn’t willing to quit. There is a lot of comfort in this too!

I am totally amazed how quick younger couples give up nowadays. Instead of seeking counsel from older people who’ve been married for many years, and figuring out how to work through their issues, they just jump ship, missing out on what is one of the greatest things; sharing your life with another person .

I heard a man say the number one indicator of divorce is the avoidance of conflict. When you avoid disagreements, just agreeing for the sake of not having an argument, you are making a grave mistake in your marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I hate to argue, but I have come to learn if my bride and I don’t talk out our differences in the hope of resolving them, then our relationship is not going to get any stronger; and building a strong life together is worth the effort I promise you.

The next time it seems you’ve lost that “loving feeling“; knuckle down, stick to your guns and work it out. Don’t quit thinking you can find another person who will give you this feeling. You may, but in a short time you’ll just be back where you were with the other relationship. If you have questions, email me. I don’t know everything, but I do know a little bit having been married this long and I’m happy to help.

Email: godsfirstknight@yahoo.com