The conversation started like this, “Dave, I’ve met a girl.”
“What do you mean you met a girl?” Wondering as I said it, because he was already married.
“It’s a girl I knew from high school.”
Mentally scratching my head I thought, “Well, this can’t be good.”
This conversation happened many years ago, (no names to protect the innocent) and as he continued telling me about this girl he knew from high school who had turned up in his life again, I was shocked. This was WAY before Facebook too, so reconnecting with old flames isn’t a new thing.
At the time of our talk he had finished college, had a good paying job and was married. He told me she had contacted him out of the blue; just to catch up you know, totally innocent. But as the phone calls increased, they decided to hook up. He made up a story about a hunting weekend, packed all his gear and ended up at the old girlfriend’s house for two and a half days.
“Man, it was the best sex I’ve ever had Dave. I think I’m in love.” He told me all of this in confidence, and it was knowledge I wished I’d never been given. The more I thought about this in the days which followed, the more it ate at me. I couldn’t help but think about his wife; who thought their marriage was great, never realizing all the numerous hunting and fishing trips he was taking as often as possible were really romantic liaisons with another woman.
We talked again a few weeks later, and you would’ve thought he was back in high school the way he talked about this new girl in his life. He explained how they had dated in school, but a miscommunication their senior year caused them to break up. He said, “I would’ve married her back then if it wasn’t for this. I’ve gotta leave my wife and marry her, she’s my true love.”
I couldn’t take it any longer and said, “What about your marriage vows, you know, to have and to hold in sickness and in health until death parts you?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t know she still loved me. I would’ve never gotten married if I’d known. My high school sweetheart is the one I should’ve been with all along.”
“Man, cheating is wrong! You made a commitment to your wife, and you should honor it. You need to cut it off with this other girl now.”
There was more to this conversation; which involved a lot of yelling, cussing and him trying to make the case for why cheating on his wife was okay, me countering it with why is wasn’t, but when it was all said and done, what we had left was a broken friendship. He went his way, and I went mine. I heard a few months later he had left his wife and moved in with the old girlfriend. I’ve got no idea where he is today. His ex-wife remarried and is living happily ever after now with a great family.
I am an opinionated, self-righteous loud mouth at times. I think if you have read my blogs you’ve probably figured out I am not a man who minces words when it comes to things I’m passionate about. I don’t apologize for this, it is who I am.
One of the things I’m very passionate about is marriage. Having been married for almost twenty-eight years to the same woman, I can tell you it is by far one of the best things I’ve ever done with my life. Being married is also one of the hardest things I’ve ever done; it takes a lot of work to make it great.
Cheating on your wife is wrong no matter what spin you put on it. When you married her, you committed to stay with her forsaking all others; ALL. This is pretty cut and dry, it means you will stay with her for the rest of your life. Now some guys look at this as imprisonment, but then they don’t understand what marriage really is all about.
Marriage is about giving yourself completely to one person; and I’m not just talking about sexually, although this is one element of it. When you give yourself completely to another person, you look out for their interests before your own. You make sure their needs are met before meeting your own.
Many times you will hear people say, “Marriage is 50/50. This is not true; to make your marriage work you have to give 100 percent. This is why so many men fail in their marriages. Now understand; I am speaking in general terms here, if this doesn’t apply to your marriage, then great, but more often than not the problem in marriages revolve around the husband. After all, he is the head of the family, and the leader. If he’s not leading well, then the marriage won’t be doing well.
I’m not really sure why I get so worked up about infidelity, but I know I hate it! I hate what it does to the relationship between husband and wife. And if there are kids in the mix, well it causes the problems to grow exponentially.
If your marriage isn’t what you want it to be guys, then make the necessary corrections in what you’re doing so it will be. It’s not rocket science, give one hundred percent, taking care of the needs of your bride and she will reciprocate, I promise you.