Are You Itchin’ For A Fight?

Posted on by davidwfelts

I never was a fighter; oh, I was a talker alright and it’s a wonder I never got into fights. But as much as I was able to trash-talk, I was even better at talking myself out of a fight. I remember this one time when I was seventeen and had a flat on my car. I drove it to a full service gas station and asked the guy if he could fix my tire while I was at work.  “No problem boss, it’ll be done before you get off of work.” Leaving it with him, I rode on into work with my dad.

It was an uneventful day at the shoe store and as quitting time got closer, I decided to call the mechanic and see if my tire had been fixed. After several rings, he finally picked up and telling him who I was, I asked if my car was ready. He replied no and he had been extraordinarily busy and hadn’t got around to it yet. Not liking what I heard I said, “What kind of inbred so and so can’t get a tire fixed in eight hours?” His reply was, “The kind that is going to kick your butt when he sees you.”

Well there was no booty beating that day, instead, I slunk in apologetically and taking my keys left the gas station never to return again. I learned a valuable lesson that day; some things are better off left unsaid. I wish I could say this has always been the case with me since then, but alas my mouth has gotten me into more trouble than I’d like to admit.

I’ve been thinking about the times we live in and it seems everybody is ready to fight at the drop of the hat; and most times they are the ones dropping the hat. There’s this guy I know who by all appearances lives for the opportunity to fight. All it takes is for someone to just look at him funny and he’s all up in their business, giving them the what for. Whenever I hear him ranting about these people it always makes me scratch my head in wonder.

I guess since my altercation with the mechanic back in my youth, I have tried to live peaceably with all men. It takes a lot for me to lose my cool with someone and want to have words with them now. Honestly for me it’s a control issue. I don’t like to be out of control; mainly because when this happens, stupid things usually are the end result. And when I think about how quickly people are willing to fight instead of working things out, it makes me wonder what is so bad in their lives they go there so fast?

And this is the bottom line about people who are quick to fight; they have some issues they haven’t dealt with, or in some cases don’t even realize they have and it comes out through confrontation. Most situations can be fixed with a little bit of understanding and grace. Funny thing is most of the time people who are unwilling to offer grace are the ones who need it the most. They are too concerned with themselves and the perceived slight they feel is leveled against them that they are unable to see where the other person is coming from.

Sometimes I think people are just having a bad day and really aren’t trying to be hard to get along with. But if you’re itchin’ for a fight, you won’t care what’s going on in the other person’s life, you’ll just see them as someone who is trying to get the best of you. And instead of letting that happen, you will attack first and ask questions later.

I think we should give everyone the benefit of the doubt first; believing the best until proven otherwise. If we’d all do this, then maybe we could make this world a little better place.

I’ve Lost That Loving Feeling

Posted on by davidwfelts

“You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling, whoa, that lovin’ feeling, you’ve lost that lovin’ feeling, now it’s gone…gone…gone…wooooooh.”

I made a statement once which I think angered a lady. We were part of a group discussion about marriage and I said most days I have to choose to love my wife, it doesn’t just come naturally. She responded by saying how awful this was and she believed love isn’t a choice but a by product of what happens when you find your mate. Her naiveté was showing, but she had only been married a few years and was still in the throws of the love induced hormones working in her brain.

I’m not a doctor, nor have I ever played one on TV, but I did learn about this little area in the brain which produces a chemical giving you that “lovin’ feeling”. It’s what causes us to be attracted to our spouse at first. It’s almost as if there wasn’t this chemical imbalance in our brain which steers us towards our mate we’d never give them the time of day; and this is exactly what God intended.

While this chemical helps us overlook little things which might aggravate us at first, once it stops producing we can get annoyed by them and feel as if we don’t love this person anymore. It’s at this point in our relationship we need to have a solid commitment and are willing to stick to our vows. This is where the choice to love someone comes into play.

My bride and I have been married for over twenty-eight years and there have been plenty of opportunities for both of us to have said to heck with this and throw in the towel; but we haven’t, we’ve stuck it out, sometimes slugging it out to work through our issues. Of course I don’t mean physically; this is not okay under any circumstance. We’ve had to work to see things from each other’s perspective (something which takes time and effort) and we agree to disagree from time to time. What we’ve learned, is to give in on the little things and stick to our guns on the bigger issues, but always from an aspect of I’m in this for the long haul, so we’re going to make it work.

When we first met and began talking about marriage, divorce was never an option for either of us. We made this commitment to each other before we ever said our vows. We both decided that whenever we disagreed about something, we would never speak of divorce. When we fight and yes in twenty-eight years together we’ve had plenty of opportunities for this, it has been easy to work through things knowing the other person isn’t willing to quit. There is a lot of comfort in this too!

I am totally amazed how quick younger couples give up nowadays. Instead of seeking counsel from older people who’ve been married for many years, and figuring out how to work through their issues, they just jump ship, missing out on what is one of the greatest things; sharing your life with another person .

I heard a man say the number one indicator of divorce is the avoidance of conflict. When you avoid disagreements, just agreeing for the sake of not having an argument, you are making a grave mistake in your marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I hate to argue, but I have come to learn if my bride and I don’t talk out our differences in the hope of resolving them, then our relationship is not going to get any stronger; and building a strong life together is worth the effort I promise you.

The next time it seems you’ve lost that “loving feeling“; knuckle down, stick to your guns and work it out. Don’t quit thinking you can find another person who will give you this feeling. You may, but in a short time you’ll just be back where you were with the other relationship. If you have questions, email me. I don’t know everything, but I do know a little bit having been married this long and I’m happy to help.

Email: godsfirstknight@yahoo.com

Is This Really Your Fight?

Posted on by davidwfelts

There was this man I was trying to help with some of his relationships once who called me one day a short time after my youngest son had died, urgently asking me to pray for a man he worked with. 

I was a little aggravated with his request at the time because it had only been a few days since Noah’s funeral and at this point he hadn’t even acknowledged the fact my son was gone. 

He kept persisting that I pray, so I asked him the man’s name and he said, “I don’t know, I just overheard some people talking about him in the break room.”

I was livid and told him to pray himself and not to bother me with this again. A few days later I talked to him in person and explained how offended I was and worked things out with him.

This got me thinking though, how many times do we take up a fight that isn’t ours? There’s a lot of things noble to fight for; helping impoverished children, saving women from sex trafficking, making sure your elderly neighbor is okay and the list goes on and on. But you can’t fight them all; heck you can’t even be passionate about them all…and this is okay.

How can you say not helping with something is okay Dave? Simple, it’s not. I say this because we don’t need to try and fight every battle because it’ll cause you to get burned out. 

Focus is important; you can get much more done if you are deliberate in your actions instead of chasing many things at once. Many people however feel the pressure to help with anything and everything instead of finding the one thing they should be focusing on.

If we would find the main thing which really makes our hearts burn within us and then begin doing what we can, we’d all be much happier. 

And if we’d not get butt hurt when other people don’t share our enthusiasm for the thing we’re fighting for, this too would make us happy. 

This is one of the biggest problems I see; you share your heart with people and they don’t get excited, then you get mad, thinking they just don’t get it. 

There are 7.5 billion people on this planet, it stands to reason out of this number there should be at least a few who share your passion for this fight, right? It just may not be the “person” you thought it might be.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t share what you’re about with others, but don’t get upset if they don’t accept  it and get excited with you. We all have things we’re fervent about, we’ve just got to find those who are like minded with us and work together. Doing this can and will change the world.