Are You Being Your Bride’s Superhero?

Let me ask you married men a question; do you know your wife’s love language? You know the things you do which show her you really love her? Just saying, “I love you.” isn’t enough, she needs to see something which proves your love as well.

In my home, I’m responsible for taking out the garbage. I see to it all our refuse is put in the trash container and placed by the curb to be picked up on Fridays. If our trash  can is piled high with its contents balancing precariously on top, this bothers my wife. Taking care of this household chore is just one of the many things I do which shows her I love her.

Guys, if you’re like me, you probably worked pretty hard in the beginning when you dated her; pulling out all the stops to impress your girl. If I was a betting man, I’d say you did a lot of crazy things to show her how much you wanted and desired her. The problem is we often stop doing these things after saying, “I do.” Too many men get upset after the wedding because the lovey dovey stuff seems to end and the nagging begins.

When I say nagging what I really mean is, she is telling you the things which bother her. Generally when someone is complaining about something, it’s not so much because they want to make your life miserable but more likely at a deeper level they are really telling you what bugs them.

The best thing would be if we actually just said what we mean, but in my married life I’ve found a lot of times I have to look for clues as to what is meant. It’s probably because she doesn’t want to just nag me as she wants me to find out what it is she needs.

In the movie The Breakup, there is a great scene about this. The couple is arguing about household chores:

Brooke: “I want you to want to do the dishes.”

Gary: “Why would I want to do the dishes?”

And this is the story of married life; the wife wants you to do something and we as men are usually clueless to what she is really saying. You see it wasn’t about him actually doing the dishes as much as his willingness to do them. This willingness to do something is usually at the heart of all disagreements.

Finding out the things my wife likes and doing them and figuring out what she doesn’t like and not doing these makes me out to be the superhero she needs me to be and what man doesn’t want to be his bride’s superhero? And part of this means I’ve got to be looking for the things which show her how much I love her.

This is why I lift the toilet seat and put it back down, why I put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and generally look for things to do which say to her heart, this man of yours really loves you. It’s all about the relationship and I want ours to be the best.

Guys take some time and listen for what your bride is really saying to you. It will take work to be her superhero, but it is doable and in the end worth it.

Father of the Bride…Are You Ready?

April Walking down the aisleI stood there in my borrowed hospital scrubs; little paper covers on my tennis shoes, while fidgeting with the blue hair cover trying to keep it out of my eyes.  The time had come for my baby girl to make her entrance into the world, and I was there to be a spectator of the birth.

My wife was about to go under the knife for the second time, and this time the doctor had told her I could watch.  This wasn’t my choice, I would have preferred the old fashion way of childbirth where the fathers wait in the waiting room, then see their child after they’ve been cleaned up.  But my wife wanted me there, so there I was.

They ushered me into the room, showed me where to stand and then began the procedure.  Thankfully I was far enough away to not see them slicing through my bride’s skin, and when the doctor raised her stomach and told me what she was doing, the room did spin for a moment.  There are just some parts of your wife you never really want to see.

But I made it; watching them as they removed my baby girl, hearing her first cry and starting the journey of having my heart melt time and again because of her.

There is a special bond between a dad and his daughter.  I love my other kids too, but there is just something about little girls and what they can do to their daddy’s heart.  Through the years of Sponge Bob, friends, sleepovers, tea parties and a host of other things I would have never thought I would have been a part of; my baby girl grew into a beautiful young woman.

Like most girls, she met and fell in love with a young man, and the two of them decided to get married.  As we were looking at the venue she wanted to use for her ceremony, it dawned on me how I had completely missed out on something as a dad, and I want to share with those of you who have daughters so you don’t miss out on this too.

As the planning took on shape, it dawned on me I was going to have to come up with a lot of money to make her dream wedding come true.  I’ve not always been real good with my money, and I realized as the bills began to come in how I should have started saving for this when she was a little girl.

It would’ve been so easy too.  If I would have set aside just $5 a week when she was born, at the end of 18 years I would have had $4,680.  For $10 a week the sum grows to $9,360, $15 a week becomes $14,040, $20 a week would’ve given me $18,720 and if I had put aside $25 a week it would have netted me $23,400 in the bank.

The main thing is, if I’d had set aside a little bit each week, my wife and I wouldn’t have had to work the extra hours for the months prior to the wedding to provide this for her.  I’m glad we were able to give her the wedding she’d dreamed about, and we never had to tell her she couldn’t have something because of money, but a little preplanning on my part would have been great.

Dads, I know you don’t want to think about your baby girl getting married and moving away, but you do need to start setting aside a little bit each week for when this does happen.  When the day comes, it will make her wedding dreams come true when you tell her she can have whatever she wants because you have the money set aside for it.

Now you know what I think, what do you think?