Sex. This one little word has more power than just about any other. It has set kingdoms on fire, toppled powerful men and has captured the minds of every boy once entering puberty. It’s been described as dirty, only to be used for procreating and makes people feel uncomfortable when it is discussed in a group setting.
Before I was married, my knowledge of this subject came mostly from the movies I watched. Oh, there was that one time when my mom handed me a pamphlet about it. Can anyone say awkward? Most of the movies I watched drove home this thought; women are as horny as men, and they want to have sex just as badly as men do.
My actual experience has taught me differently. Obviously I’m speaking in general terms here, I’m sure there are a few women out there who like sex as much as men, but for the sake of this blog we will assume most women are not this way.
My knowledge about sex when I got married was you slide tab A into slot B as many times as possible until you got a release. No one ever told me slot B should be experiencing a release as well. A friend gave me some advice which helped me as a young married man, and continues to this day, he told me, “David, make sure momma gets her cookies before you do.” What this means is don’t just hop on, finish and then hop off. If you are not bringing your wife to orgasm every time, then perhaps you need to rethink your strategy here. Sex should be pleasurable for both of you.
What I’m not going to do is tell you what you should do; sex will be different for every couple. What works for me and my bride may not work for you and yours. The main thing here is you should be looking for ways to satisfy her before satisfying yourself.
You should never compare your sex life with other couples, and you really shouldn’t talk about your sex life (in detail) with other guys. One thing I’ve learned from listening to men talk is they will lie about their sex life. They will lie about the frequency, what she does and where they do it, usually anything to make themselves look better.
Sex with your wife is a special thing; one which should be only between the two of you. If you talk about her in front of others, it disrespects her. And if she happens to be there when you are talking about your sex life with others, it can embarrass her. The only time you should talk about your sex life is when she has given you permission and you are trying to help another couple. And then keep it simple; again don’t really go into detail.
A lot of guys who have talked to me tell me their sex life is nonexistent; maybe anniversaries, birthdays, or some other special occasion, which is sad. I once heard a guy say he bought a years supply of condoms and it was a 12 pack; I thought to myself, “Wow poor guy”.
Maybe your sex life is like this, with a lack of frequency. My first question would be how are you treating your bride. Are you helping out around the house, or with the kids, or do you roll over at night, nudge her and say, “Hey, wanna do it?” Don’t be a gorilla, be tender with her and help out around the house. Take out the trash without being told to, talk nice to her and give her a hug or foot rub without any strings attached.
After she’s had a hard day; send her out to get coffee with some friends while you stay home and take care of the kids for the evening. When you do these kinds of things, she will notice and it will pay you huge dividends later.
One last thought here, if you have not been doing things like this to love her before having sex with her, don’t expect the first time you do it for her to strip off her clothes and attack you. It may take time and effort on your part. Don’t quit just because you don’t see results right away. She may be watching to see if this is just another ploy for you to get into her pants.
If this is your only motivation for making changes, you will never see a great sex life in your future. Believe me, a great sex life in marriage is possible, but it does take consistent effort and work from you. Do this however, and it won’t be long before you’ll be sliding your tab into her slot.
Now you know what I think, what do you think?